Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Stress Test

Stress Test.....Are you stressed?

What do YOU see??????
Maybe it depends on your age.........

Are any of these items moving?
Or are they perfectly still??




One teacher said, "I felt like they were all moving..but slowly. Kind of like, they were breathing."

The pictures are used to test the level of stress a person can handle.The slower the pictures move, the better your ability of handling stress.

Allegedly, criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly; however senior citizens and kids see them standing still.

None of these images are animated - they are perfectly still.

Why, Why, Why...

Why, Why, Why,

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there
is not enough money?

Why does someone Believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, Why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.......

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Thought For The Day...

Thought For The Day!

I'm just passing this thought along .....

Have you ever wondered if the five dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper's jock or butt crack with the G string?

If not, you're wondering now.

Have a nice day . :)

(and wash your hands!)

Friday, June 19, 2009

What Guinea Pigs Do When You're Not Home




First video created by a special 9 year old!

Squidoo Lense Tribute to Guinea Pigs: http://www.squidoo.com/Guinea-Pigs-Pets

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Grammar

GRAMMAR

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently.' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered,

'Is that one word or two?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Best Ever Blonde Joke

BEST EVER BLONDE JOKE

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh. .. . ... . ..

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."


Amazing Story - Irena Sendler

The prize doesn't always go to the most deserving!
It goes to those who want to push the agenda.
See below and you will see why:*



Irena Sendler
There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena. During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the WarsawGhetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist.
She had an ' ulterior motive ' ...
She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews.

Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids.) She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto.
The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises. During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants.
She was caught, and the Nazi ' s broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely.
Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family.
Most of course had been gassed.
Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted.
Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize ... She was not selected.
* Al Gore won, for a slide show on Global Warming.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Kitchen Wisdom

Good Kitchen Tips from Women


Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.


Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!




To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.


Buy mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.


When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.


Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'



If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'


Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.


Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!


If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine???????????? HELLO!!!!!!!?




Love Story

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.

Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.

'Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?'

Monday, June 15, 2009

Toilet Paper Dispenser

Toilet Paper Dispenser
OMG - This is too much!




Sunday, June 14, 2009

Signs To Make You Smile
































Little Johnny & Rabbits

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Where do you get seven from?

Johnny: Because I've already got one at home.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Another Blonde Joke!

The Saga of the Blonde Who Wanted Alligator Shoes

A young blonde woman was driving through Southern Louisiana while on vacation.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.


After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!

"The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Near by were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,

"CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!

Amazing Cake Art from Russia

Amazing Cake Art from Russia

All you see below are cakes that can be eaten without any part of it left.
No plastics or any other artificial stuff is being used -
everything is edible.
All these cakes are by Zhanna from St. Petersburg.